The Two Dudes Next to Me Eating Pizza with a Fork and a Knife

Why the fuck would you think that your pizza should be eaten with a fork and a knife, dudes next to me? I am now certain that you are a couple of assholes.

Protip: You look like a pretentious fuckwad if you eat pizza with a fork and a knife or anything else other than your hand, unless you're retrieving lost toppings.

Typing Without Contractions in Peer Conversation

This kind of applies to any conversation, too, and really only comes out in written messages.

It pisses me off when people do not use contractions when they are talking to someone. Even if it is a professional conversation, I think that speaking without contractions makes you sound like a fucking douche. Then, if you are talking to someone that is your buddy and you do not use contractions, you sound like even more of an asshole. Imagine if everyone went around talking the way that typing this way makes someone sound? No one would need their nose in the air because our speech patterns would present that imagery for us.

Maybe it's just because I'm all about contractions. Over the years since I gave up on how Starcraft taught me to speak, I've been making a point to mold my written messages to sound more like the way I speak—with additional care applied to grammar and spelling, of course.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I know for sure that I hate reading messages without contractions. I feel like someone's either making a point to avoid using them or making a point to impress upon me that they're better than me. Either way, fuck that.

A Person's Inability to Comprehend Initialisms

When people ask me to enter my PIN number, I die a little inside. I happened to glance up at a TV playing a soccer game and saw that the site for Major League Soccer (MLS) is MLSSoccer.com. I get that MLS.com is taken up by real estate bullshit, but that doesn't mean that you double up on the word soccer. That would be like MLBBaseball.com or FBIInvestigation.gov.

Stupid.

People Who Say "Eck Cetera"

Not much to say. That shit pisses me off. You know as well I do that every time these people hear someone say it correctly they never reconsider the way it comes out of their mouth, and that's just stupid.

People Who Don't Know How to Merge onto a Highway

What speed do you think the rest of us are going, people who don't know how to merge onto a highway? When everyone else is up here going 70 miles per fucking hour, you should be trying to match that speed before forcing your way onto the highway.

God forbid you get behind one of these mother fuckers while you're trying to get on with them or trying to exit while they're pacing you and forcing you to take drastic actions lest you lost your chance to exit at your exit.

I don't know if these mother fuckers know that what they're doing is wrong, but someone should tell them. I wish there was a proximity-based real-time calling network in which I could tell everyone around me on the road that they are not doing things correctly.

Loud Commercials

Who the fuck gave people the right to make commercials this loud? I get it, they're only as loud as the loudest part of whatever show, but noone makes a show that's 30 minutes of sustained explosion sounds. I don't want to have my show cut to commercial only to listen to someone yell at me about Lipitor.

I've read about the CALM act and have no faith that anyone will ever stop this bullshit and that really just makes me sad and hate TV more.

If it wasn't for commercials, and the lack of quality programming, TV would be great. It's too bad that, if you eliminated those things, no one would have anything to fucking broadcast. ...This ended up being about TV, too, I guess.

Renegade Orbs in Crackdown 2

Not only are they frustrating, they make me look (and feel) like an idiot. Well, not me, my Agent in Crackdown 2. The point is that I've never enjoyed chasing the renegade agility or the renegade driving orbs and never will.

If they weren't able to go through walls, and you could corner them up against a wall—in the rare situation when one of the rooftops have a corner—then it wouldn't be as bad. But no, those fucking orbs can go through walls just to get to the other side so they can taunt you.

I've already got my agility and driving both at their highest level, so fuck 'em.